Attitude of Gratitude

1-12-20

Let’s talk about being grateful. There’s a lot of pressure to hustle and get ahead. Long hours of work in school or at a job are encouraged by our society. And working is a good thing; in fact, we’re supposed to work. What can become a problem is when we stop seeing the things that we gain as gifts and think that we’re responsible for what we have in life.

Really, everything that we have comes from God. So yes, we do have to work, and work hard sometimes, but it’s important to keep things in perspective.

As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labor—this is the gift of God. – Ecclesiastes‬ ‭5:19‬

Let’s never forget Who gave us the intelligence to receive an education, even though we do have to work at it, and the physical and mental abilities to perform a job that provides us with a salary. Let’s remember that God blessed us with the good health to be able to finish our education or hold down that job. And God protected us and homes and vehicles that we have so that we continue to own them, even though we’re really stewards of our possessions more than owners.

The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich. – Proverbs‬ ‭13:4‬ ‬

Not everyone who works hard will become wealthy, and a bank account with maximum zeros shouldn’t be our primary goal. But if we don’t work, that is if we aren’t willing to work, then we won’t be able to get what we want. Let’s take a second here and make sure it’s clear that being lazy and not working is vastly different than not being able to work. People who aren’t mentally or physically capable of working should be cared for and not degraded. But those of us who can do have a responsibility to provide for ourselves and our families.

For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread. – ‭‭II Thessalonians‬ ‭3:10-12‬

It’s easy to look at the people we go to school with, work with, or go to church with and notice what they have that we don’t. Maybe my coworker’s purse is newer and nicer than mine. Maybe a girl in my youth group has a new sweater that I’ve been wanting. Maybe I’m wearing the same coat for the third winter in a row and can’t stop thinking about how much I’d like a new one. Maybe a classmate has a car that has the latest bells and whistles and mine still has manual windows.

Jealousy and coveting can start so slowly and build until they’re ready to take us over before we realize what’s happening. Then maybe we start to get bitter because why shouldn’t we get to have those things too? When we start thinking we deserve things we can’t have, or don’t have because paying the electric bill is important, it can show up in how we treat each other.

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. – James‬ ‭4:1-3‬

God wants to bless us. That doesn’t mean I should ask for this season’s coat when mine is still in good shape. But if I really do need a new coat because mine is getting worn out or the washing machine chewed holes in it, I can definitely pray about that and ask God to help me get it.

We don’t get everything we ask for, though. God hears all our requests and considers each of them. Then He gives us what we need most. Sometimes we don’t get what we want because it’s not good for us. In James 4:3, the Greek word for pleasures was associated with desire or lust. So this wasn’t just something clean we would enjoy. This involved sin.

Between school, a job, or sometimes both, and feeling like we really should have it a little easier, it’s easy to feel like we’re just going to take what we want out of life. Like we should have more than we do and we deserve to get it. Entitlement is a dangerous place to be, and it can start slowly and creep up on us just like jealousy. But God definitely doesn’t approve of this either.

The next couple passages are a little longer than usual, but I want us to look at them together. The first one, in Luke 14:7-11 is a story Jesus told.

So He told a parable to those who were invited, when He noted how they chose the best places, saying to them: “When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him; and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” – ‭‭Luke‬ ‭14:7-11‬

God wants us to be humble so that we don’t think too highly of ourselves. If we’re having a Bible study at someone’s house, I shouldn’t give myself the nicest, cushiest chair. There might be an elderly man or woman who needs to sit in it and would be in pain in a metal folding chair when I might squirm a little, but I could handle it a lot easier than they could.

This teaching isn’t just about seating arrangements, though. It’s a principle for our perspective on life. We shouldn’t always try to get the best thing for ourselves at the expense of other people. We’re no more worthy than they are.

We also need to be careful not to expect people to do things for us. Yes, we should help each other, and we should be happy to do it. But we need to try our best to take care of ourselves first. Then if we can’t do something, let’s ask for help. Here’s one more parable Jesus told.

At that time God’s kingdom will be like ten girls who went to wait for the bridegroom. They took their lamps with them. Five of the girls were foolish, and five were wise. The foolish girls took their lamps with them, but they did not take extra oil for the lamps. The wise girls took their lamps and more oil in jars. When the bridegroom was very late, the girls could not keep their eyes open, and they all fell asleep. “At midnight someone announced, ‘The bridegroom is coming! Come and meet him!’ “Then all the girls woke up. They made their lamps ready. But the foolish girls said to the wise girls, ‘Give us some of your oil. The oil in our lamps is all gone.’ “The wise girls answered, ‘No! The oil we have might not be enough for all of us. But go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ – ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:1-9‬ ERV‬‬

Here, foolish meant morally heedless. So these five girls neglected to take what they would need. When they didn’t have enough, they wanted the girls who were prepared to share their oil. But they didn’t really even ask, did they? It sounds like they demanded it because they expected the people around them to make sure they were okay.

If we’re asking someone for help, we need to remember that they may be struggling too. Maybe our electric bill was $400 because the weather was so cold the last month. But our friend might have a hard time helping us, because their bill is likely high too, and they could be dealing with other issues at the same time like plumber bills to repair burst pipes.

When someone is able to help us, let’s remember that what they shared is something they could have used for themselves to get what they needed or wanted, but they valued us enough to give up what they could have had for our benefit. Let’s show that we’re thankful and never demand what we think we’re owed.

Let’s take care of each other as we go through this life, because it’s tough on everybody. When we can, let’s help other people and be glad we could. And when we need help, let’s ask, but let’s make sure we do it with the right attitude. Let’s try to remember too that nothing we have is guaranteed; it’s all a gift, and we’re blessed to have what we do.

See you next time and wishing you blessings until then,

Heather

P.S. If you’d like to keep in touch, be a pen pal and join my newsletter! We’ll chat about faith, what we’re reading, and I’ll keep you in the loop on my fiction writing. Reply back to any email, because it’s so much more fun when a pen pal writes back. Sound good? Head over here to sign up!

This Season

1-5-20

Hello, and welcome to the first post of 2020! If you’d like to check out the podcast episode, you can do that here.

I’ve had the idea of seasons on my mind lately. I hate change. So in any phase in my life, I tend to dig in my heels and find permanence. Or try to.

Thank God I haven’t been allowed to stay in some of my seasons.

Even when life is hard, and knocks me and my family down, and I crave change like lemonade after mowing the yard, the prospect of change sends me into a panic.

But nothing stays the same. Not the phase of school, not jobs, not families, not friends. Not really.

Maybe I keep the same job for several years, but my responsibilities there change.

Maybe I stay close to my family, but my relationship with them isn’t the same it was when I was eight.

And that hurts.

But it’s good.

Because we’ve grown.

This time of year may not be the prettiest, but there are things I love about it. I lose my breath when fog lifts up between the mountains and when frost swaddles the clover. I feel stillness under a blanket with hot chocolate watching the fire.

But I want spring to come.

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I’m trying desperately to acknowledge the seasons I’m in with my family, friends, and faith and revel in them while I have them. Because I know they’ll change. Some I’ll lose, because that’s how life is. Some I’ll keep, but they’ll never be just like they are now.

I lost my father almost 11 years ago, and it’s only been in the last year I feel myself thawing. For a long time I was numb. Then I started to feel emotions again, but not deeply and to my core the way I did before. Now I tear up at commercials and watching elderly couples holding hands when I hadn’t for a long time. And it’s not because I didn’t care, but emotions take a long time to recover.

I feel closer to myself this way, but I’m having to get reacquainted with my voice choking up when I start recording posts like this. And that’s okay. It hurts, and it’s new and familiar at the same time. I had to learn patience with myself then, and now I’m learning to be soft again.

Our experiences do change us, but we can choose how we are molded. Loss can make you surrender and grow bitter. It can make you grit your teeth and find strength in the One who is stronger than we are. It’s all in how we use the season.

Sometimes we have seasons with dreams and goals. I write fiction, for fun now, but I hope to someday publish. It sounds preposterous coming from me, but it’s my dream. I write to show that faith isn’t stuffy and irrelevant, and that even the dark times of the heart can be shared. Faith struggles don’t make us bad people. They make us people. And I want to find the extraordinary goodness in everyday lives.

The thing is, letting someone know they aren’t alone through your writing is only possible if you can share your writing. There’s a lot that goes into having a book published, not least of which is making sure it’s good enough to be published.

I’m in a writing season now where I’ve been working on it long enough that I feel like to justify continuing, I need something to happen to make it worth it. Some sign that it’s beneficial. And writing comes with a lot of rejection by nature, which is okay. But eventually, you need a yes. So at this time in this dream of mine, I have some decisions to make. Because seasons are good, but they don’t last forever. And I want the next season for my writing to start.

So I pray for opportunities to be opened and for me not to make something happen that isn’t God’s will just because I’m impatient. But it’s hard, isn’t it?

I know we can’t just sit back and wait on God to do everything. We have to make an effort. But just exactly where the line is between working as for the Lord and trying to do the work of the Lord gets a little fuzzy, at least for me.

I try to remember one of my longtime favorite verses:

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! – Psalms 46:10

Sometimes we just need to stop, take a breath, and soak in the knowledge that God is God. He’s got all this under control. What we need to do is search for what His will for our lives is and then embrace it.

He does have a plan for each one of us, and it’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s hard, and painful, and it’ll bring us to our knees. But that’s where we learn how to be strong through His strength. No matter what season of life we find ourselves, God has the future ready for us.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

So now, in this moment, I want to make the most of this whole big, messy, gorgeous, disastrous, unique life I have.

Chat with me! What’s special about the season you’re in now? How do you make the most of it? How do you handle when you want one season to change to the next?

I’d also love to hear from you about anything you’d like to see covered on the blog and podcast this year, whether it’s general themes or specific suggestions. Comment down below. And while you’re here, how about subscribing here to the newsletter? If you’d like to get an email when new posts are up, how about signing up for notifications here?

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See you next time and wishing you blessings until then,

Heather

How Can I Help My Friend?

11-24-19

Cue the song “Lean on Me.” (Yeah, I know it’s an oldie, but some songs never really get old.) We all want that kind of friend, right? And we want to be able to be that friend. Knowing that someone is going to be there for us, no matter what, gives us a little security when things go wrong, doesn’t it?

So what about when we have a friend who’s going through something? Maybe it’s a situation we’ve dealt with, or maybe it’s something we haven’t experienced ourselves. We want to be supportive. But what does that mean? Just saying, “I care what you’re going through” feels hollow. So what can we do?

Say It

First, go ahead and say that you care. A lot of times we won’t have an answer, but it always matters to us when a friend is having a hard time. So let’s tell them, because hopefully they know that, but it’s not the same as actually hearing it.

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17

That’s the thing about friends – true ones are the ones that are with you, no matter what. It doesn’t mean they’re going to tell you anything you do is okay.

A friend will call you out on your mistakes, but they’ll be standing right there with a hand out to help you up.

They don’t run away. You know you can count on them to be there. So let’s tell our friends that we care and we aren’t going anywhere.

Sometimes people need space, and that’s okay. If your friend needs it or you sense it, make sure and let them know that you’re going to be there when they’re ready. And then when they are, be there.

Show It

Show up for them. If they’re celebrating something, have a little party for them. If they’re grieving something or worried, be there for them. Take a card, a stuffed rabbit, a chocolate bar, a journal. It’s not about the gift. It’s about the fact that you thought about them and took the time to do something. They’ll remember this, trust me.

If they are in pain, don’t advise them not to cry.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15

We can’t, and shouldn’t, stay in our grief forever, but there is a time for it. And if it’s time for it, then don’t tell them not to cry. That’s like invalidating their emotions and response. People react differently to different situations. Some people don’t cry when deeply hurt, and others cry at something that may feel minor to someone else. That reaction isn’t a choice, but it doesn’t make it easier when someone implies you’re doing it wrong.

Go where they are and just sit next to them. Let them know they can tell you anything. Then listen.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. – Galatians 6:2

Just being able to say out loud what has happened can make something feel less dreadful. If it’s a mistake your friend has made, then having you hear it and not abandon them shows them they can survive it. Describing a situation is sometimes enough to help a friend get a new perspective for themselves and decide what they should do.

So just be there.

Pray It

There’s no such thing as “All I can do is pray.”

It’s, “There’s this really awesome thing I can do for you that will literally bring Heaven to your problem, and it’s pray.”

Don’t pray because you feel helpless. Pray because you know where to go for help.

You and I can’t fix every problem our friends will have. That’s the way it’s meant to be.

That’s God’s job.

We aren’t supposed to be God.

Sometimes we can help. Maybe we can give our friend a place to stay for a few days or help them find a counselor. But we can’t take away guilt or shorten grief. God can, though.

It’s not that God isn’t capable of acting without us praying, but sometimes He waits for us to ask Him and in a sense give Him permission to act in our lives. When we pray for ourselves or our friends, Jesus advocates for us.

For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus – I Timothy 2:5

Jesus is waiting for us when we pray to go to God on our behalf. He literally pleads our case before God. How much more powerful a solution could we ask for?

Do It

If your friend asks for help, then try to do it. Of course, there are limits to what we’ll be able to do – we can’t undo something, take away consequences, or do anything that would cause us to sin, even though it may be tempting.

Advice isn’t always what someone needs, so do be judicious with sharing it. It can come across as judgmental or know-it-all, but sometimes we do have good insight. So if your friend asks or you do have something helpful to contribute, then share it. If there’s something practical you can do to ease what they’re going through, then try to.

Let Yourself Be Leaned On

Everybody’s turn comes. Maybe today your friend needs you, but you’ll need somebody too. So let’s be there for each other.

Be reasonable with yourself and what you’re capable of doing; we aren’t meant to solve all problems, even though a lot of times I wish we could. Know how much you can do, do it, and don’t expect more than that.

Until next time,

Heather

P.S. If you’d like to keep in touch, be a pen pal and join my newsletter! We’ll chat about faith, what we’re reading, and I’ll keep you in the loop on my fiction writing. Reply back to any email, because it’s so much more fun when a pen pal writes back. Sound good? Head over here to sign up!