Happiness Can Be Scary

3-10-24

Real talk. I’m scared to be happy.

Today was a good day. I started to feel my bubbly enthusiasm I used to have.

And it scared me. My reflex was, no, that’s too much, calm down. Don’t feel that.

It won’t last.

It’ll hurt.

And the truth is, it won’t last forever, because happiness is an emotion. That’s normal.

Joy is a state we can live in based on things that don’t change. I can always be joyful our God is gracious and I am His daughter. But that doesn’t mean I will always be happy.

This past year has been very hard for me and my family. We’ve had life events. Health scares. My husband and I are in the process of moving.

It’s all working together for good, and I’m happy with where we’re headed. But there were times, lots of them, when just holding it together was the goal, and I wasn’t sure I could do it.

After living in that state of mind for so long, happiness feels scary. There were times that I enjoyed even when life was hard. But to just be happy because life felt good? To feel the childlike urge to smile for no reason? It’s been a while.

I know in my head that being happy doesn’t mean it’s my fault when the next challenge comes. I know it’s not punishment. But it feels that way.

I’m working on retraining my brain. Because I want to be joyful. And I want to be happy.

So today, I’m going to smile because of the singing in church. Because the daffodils (or Easter lilies around here) are blooming. Because the sky is beautiful. Because I got to eat chicken pot pie with my mother and my grandmother. Because my husband and I are planning for our new house.

Today I smile. And if tomorrow life fights back, that’s okay. I will too.

I thought, just maybe, somebody else feels that way too. So if you do, then I’m praying for you and cheering you on. And if you feel a little less alone in it, then I’m glad. We can be there together.

So friend, how are you doing? 🤍

-Heather

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God Above All Other Things

When is the last time you really stepped back and thought about how far you’ve come?

Because you have.

I just finished the notebook I use for church. It helps me focus to take notes. The nerd in me also writes down the place we are and who is speaking, so I have a record of what’s going on in our life.

And wow, what a couple of years.

When I started this notebook, we were still doing drive in church because our building is so small.

Now, finishing the notebook, I was able to hug people and see their smiles.

My husband and I are right now in the middle of moving from the place where we lived for years. And I’m happy about where we’re going and excited about starting a new chapter, but leaving is hard too.

A lot has happened here. Lots of good memories. But also times that were harder than I ever expected to go through.

My notebook is right. God above all other things.

Time and places and people come and go. God is the only constant.

I’ve changed a lot too. The me who moved to this town straight out of college to go to graduate school for physical therapy probably wouldn’t recognize the me I am now.

In ways that’s good. I hope I’m more empathetic now. Stronger. Able to find peace in the chaos.

Life has a way of wearing us down at times. Maybe one day I’ll skip around the house without thinking about it again. And the smile I never tried to make will stay on my face almost all the time.

But if I look back, the times we’ve weathered, younger me wouldn’t have thought I could.

The Bible talks about people being refined. There’s a lot to that, maybe a chat for another day, but it’s a process God is constantly a part of.

We don’t get in situations and God just walks off and leaves us to muddle our way through or sink.

He’s already seen what’s coming and He gets us ready for it. Not because he wants us to suffer, but because this world isn’t perfect and He knows how to get us through it.

I’m glad I didn’t know what the last two years would bring. And I’m glad I don’t know what’s in the next two. There will be good, and there will be bad.

But there will always be God.

-Heather

If you’d like to keep in touch, be a pen pal and join my newsletter! We’ll chat about faith, what we’re reading, and I’ll keep you in the loop on my fiction writing. Reply back to any email, because it’s so much more fun when a pen pal writes back. Sound good? Head over here to sign up!

When You’re Tired

1-27-20

I spend a lot of my life tired. Physically, mentally, and or emotionally tired. Life can wear us down between stress from work, home, and church, even when we completely love all three. They’re still hard at times.

And sometimes I think about wanting to just take a break from it all. When I was in college I joked about having a pause button, and I actually drew one on a sticky note and put it on the wall. For some reason it never worked, but I kept hoping.

Everyone gets tired, but what about when it’s more than that? What about when it’s not just, oh, today was a really long day and I need to chill for half an hour and I’ll be alright? What if it’s I’ve been so tired for so long I’m forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other but I’m about to collapse?

Sometimes we get discouraged and burned out. This can happen to us at work, at home, or in our faith. If we aren’t careful, we’ll decide to quit. Maybe all at once, or maybe we just gradually run out like the batteries in a flashlight getting weaker as the beam fades into a glow and then blacks out.

That’s what happened to Elijah, the prophet. God had worked closely with him, and Elijah saw all sorts of miracles. Once he prayed that it wouldn’t rain, and the rain stopped for three years. He saw flour and oil be used and the supply not run out. He saw a widow’s son brought back to life.

But he also had to face one of the most wicked kings Israel ever had. King Ahab, his wife Jezebel, and the people who worshipped idols stood against Elijah. Jezebel told him she was going to kill him, and Elijah ran for his life. He separated himself from his servant and prayed.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!” – I Kings 19:4

Elijah had lots of opportunities for his faith to be built up. But even he had struggles with being spiritually exhausted. God took him on a journey by himself after that and took time with him to build up his faith before Elijah faced the people again.

If Elijah can struggle with faith deserts, then we surely can too. What’s important is how we deal with them. Notice that God didn’t tell Elijah he was lost because he was tired. God gave him what he needed so that he could keep going.

That’s what we need to do too. When we get tired, we need to figure out what to change to light our fire again, and then we need to get back to showing our lights to the world.

If you’d like to keep in touch, be a pen pal and join my newsletter! We’ll chat about faith, what we’re reading, and I’ll keep you in the loop on my fiction writing. Reply back to any email, because it’s so much more fun when a pen pal writes back. Sound good? Head over here to sign up!

Wishing you blessings until next time,

Heather